“What’s perfect about this?” is one of my all time favorite questions, especially in challenging situations with and surrounding our children. Usually doing these times our brain is busy creating and gathering up all sorts of stories and thoughts about how awful the present moment is, what other people “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing or saying, and it all becomes quite believable because our thinking mind can be rather convincing. Asking yourself this question creates a little pause and puts our incredibly creative thinking mind to work searching for how this experience could be perfect, not in the sense of faking how awesome or ideal something is, but rather playing with curiosity around what this experience could be helping you to practice, play with, or learn.
It could be a perfect time to set boundaries. It could be a perfect time to say “No” or “Yes” to something. It could be a perfect time to get clarity around what really matters in the moment in order to focus on that. It could be a perfect time to allow yourself some time and space to feel emotions you might resist feeling. It could be a perfect time to laugh at the ridiculousness of what is happening and not take everything so seriously. It could be a perfect time to play with doing something different since nothing else is working. It could be the perfect time to ask for help despite thoughts that you “should” be able to do it all on your own.
Using this question can help you to shift perspective regardless of what is happening in order to best support yourself as a parent. It can also help you to model for your child how to use their thinking mind in a way that is empowering as opposed to feeling at the mercy of thoughts that create additional pain and suffering. Play with this, be curious, and discover, “What’s perfect about this?”