As we enter a time of year where activities and gatherings tend to ramp up, I wanted to give you permission two permission slips.
The first one is permission to say, “No.”
I give (insert your name) permission to say, “No.”
You can say “No” to things that historically don’t go well for your child, yourself or your family. You can say “No” to things that you do not have the energy to attend. You can say “No” to things you may have done in the past but do not wish to do this year. You can say “No” to situations that cause you to feel judged or anxious.
Saying “No” doesn’t mean anything other than that you are choosing to look out for what is best for yourself, your child/children and your family. If people make it mean other things, that is their problem to work through, not yours.
The second permission is to say, “Yes.”
I give (insert your name) permission to say, “Yes.”
You can say “Yes” to experiences that will bring you greater joy, peace and contentment. You can say “Yes” to putting your time, energy and attention towards the things that are best for yourself, your child/children and your family. You can say “Yes” to having time at home to do what you choose. You can say “Yes” to creating traditions that are in alignment with what YOU want this season.
As a recovering people pleaser, having responses in my back pocket help me to be intentional about what I am saying “No” and “Yes” to. They include things like… “That sounds like fun. Let me look at my calendar when I get home to see what we’ve got going and I’ll get back to you.” (This one gives me time to think about whether or not I want to do it.) “Thank you so much for the invitation. I’d love to but honestly, x doesn’t do well when a lot of people are involved/when there is food around that they cannot eat/when our schedule gets disrupted/etc. so let’s find a time where we can grab coffee or lunch so we can properly catch up.” (This one would be more for a good friend who has insight into challenges. It provides a reason while also letting the person know that you do want to spend time with them, just in a way that doesn’t cause tension for you or your child.)
This might all seem fairly basic but I also know that as adults, we can also get caught up in doing things that we don’t want to and feel like we have to do them. I’m here to say that you have permission to be more intentional about where your precious time and energy go. Bonus Tips
1. As catalogs pile up in your mailbox, gather a few of your favorites and use them to create a little vision board for what you are wanting for the holiday season this year. This isn’t a manifestation exercise, unless you are into that sort of thing, but it can help you to be more intentional about creating and allowing for what you are wanting.
I do this yearly on a sheet of printer paper and every year it is different. Some years I clearly have more energy as there are images and words of parties and activities (think fancy drinks on trays, colorful ornaments and snowy walks through an outdoor mall). Other years I don’t and the images and words I cut out are more calm and peaceful (think cozy blankets, fires in fireplaces and hot apple cider sitting on a side table near some books).
Have fun and if you choose to do it and would like to share it with me, nothing would make me happier!! [email protected]
2. I also print out two holiday planning sheets that I created and fill out with my family so that we are all on the same page, can divvy up responsibilities (a big one for me) and nobody is disappointed that their favorite Thanksgiving side dish or holiday movie didn’t happen. Thanksgiving Planning Sheet Holiday Season Planning Sheet
