This past December we went to Disney World. It was just the three of us and having been there many times, it was as smooth as it could be. There was one thing though that caught us (me and my husband) by surprise and it was that our 20-year old son wanted to hold our hand while walking through the parks. He is not typically a hand-holder so it was definitely different AND I could also completely understand why he wanted to do it because the parks were quite crowded.
They had gone to the Magic Kingdom one night for a guys night out and the next morning my husband brought it up to me, wondering why he was doing this all of a sudden. I told him my hypothesis and his assumption was that our son should know by now what to do if we were to get separated.
I wasn’t as sure so I asked our son if he knew what to do and he said, “No. Not at all. I would panic and feel scared. What would I do?” I told him the basic steps of going to the nearest store or ride and telling a cast member that he got separated from us and they would call us to let us know where he was. He was relieved.
He wanted to know what young kids would do who couldn’t talk or who didn’t know their parents numbers and I reminded him of the sport ID band that he used to wear when he wasn’t talking. (He didn’t speak consonants until around 6 or 7.) I told him that at Disney, most kids are wearing MagicBands that have their parents information. Again, he was relieved.
What struck me was how often we can have assumptions of things like this and how it can be helpful to ask questions like, “What would you do if…?” or “How would you handle a situation like…?” to hear where they are in terms of understanding safety processes. I feel like this is helpful even if there are eye rolls or grunts of disgust from kids.
I remember a few years back when we began introducing small doses of independence for our son - like me driving to our mailbox that was two minutes away - and he was anxious about what he would do if something happened. I typed out a very specific list of steps while also including neighbors he could go to and ask for help and phone numbers of family and trusted friends he could call or text with and of course 911 along with our last name and address so he would have it right there in case he was too panicked to remember. He was relieved to have this sheet of information as well and we’ve slowly increased his amount of time home alone over the years to where he feels much more calm and confident.
Assuming that because a child is a certain age and that they’ll know how to handle a situation doesn’t always line up with what they would actually know to do during a stressful or unique situation. People are specific and direct about fire safety and I think that it can be helpful to share developmentally appropriate directions and steps to follow for other scenarios that might seem obvious to us, but not to our children.
I felt like this was also important to share as oftentimes partners can have different ideas about how to handle things like this and that it is okay to use what you know about your child to support them where they are and with what they need in order to feel safe and secure. It also never hurts to ask questions if you aren’t sure, as I did, and let that guide the discussion.