Three Questions

My life always seems full of opportunities for me to learn and grow, otherwise known as “Oh S#!t!” moments. Fortunately I have three life changing questions that are helping me once again.

  1. What’s working? 
  2. What’s not working? 
  3. What is one thing I can do different to get a different result?

Wanna play?

Notice an area of tension in your life. 
Could be patterns or habits that are holding you back personally.
Could be patterns or habits that are causing frustration or anxiety within your family.

Do some tracking around this tension. 
What do you notice?
What’s really going on?
What happens before, during and after?

Ask yourself these questions – What’s working? What’s not working? What is one thing I can do different to get a different result?
(Please note that it is extremely helpful to stick with what YOU can do different, not those around you unless they are active participants in this conversation. 🙂 )

What’s working?

We’ve got lots already working in our lives so we don’t need to constantly reinvent the wheel. Think back to how you did things when they went well. Remember those times when you did what you know works and how they turned out. Those are really important things to help you create change without starting from scratch!!

What’s not working?

What’s not working is usually where people start because that is usually the impetus for change. Remember to start with what is working so that you can go back to that and make adjustments from there. With regards to what’s not working, it helps me to go back to the tracking so that I can see the bigger picture of what’s going on that is causing me tension.

What can I do different?

Keep it to ONE thing to try different so that you know what is making the change successful or not. If you try lots of things at once, you won’t know how to answer the three questions when/if things go awry.

How does this actually play out in someone’s life?
Here is my own personal experience playing with these questions the past few weeks after a number of “Oh S#!t!” moments.

Tension
I’ve been forgetting to do things that need to be done.

Tracking
I noticed that these were mainly things that needed action but not immediate action. These were things I either needed more information about or could do them later. They got looked at and then set aside. These were pieces of mail, emails, voicemails or FB messages. As I was decluttering, I began finding them and noticing this pattern and while it really sucked because I like to be responsible and take care of things, this was showing me that something needed to change.

I also noticed that the emails, voicemails and FB messages were all things that I had looked at during times when I couldn’t possibly respond – grocery store checkout line, stoplight, etc.

What’s working? 
When I set aside time to sit and take care of things. When I wait to look at emails or FB messages at a time when I can actually respond in a way that feels good.

What’s not working?

Checking my phone during times when it is purely a distraction. This results in emails getting seen but forgotten if I forget to mark them as “Unread.” This is NOT working for me as I am building my business because it doesn’t feel good to forget responding to people who are important to me.

What can I do different?
I can not check my email or FB until I am in a time and space where I can respond. I can make sure that I have time and space set aside on my calendar to do this.

How is it working so far for me? 

I’ve been playing with this for awhile and it is going pretty well. There have been a few times when I noticed that I open email or FB out of habit and once I am aware of this, close them. I am allowing myself to just BE in the present moment of stoplights and grocery store checkout lines, breathing and enjoying the times where I don’t have to do anything.

Play with this and I’d LOVE to hear how it helps YOU! Of course I won’t respond until I am able to give you my full attention. 🙂

xoxo
Margaret

 

(Thank you Michael Trotta for teaching me these questions​!)